So I am going to start with the pity party.....I am super ticked off. We just found out that the major surgery we had to get Noah's baclofin pump put in (7 weeks ago) has become disconnected and pulled out of his spine. So he has to have the entire surgery redone in the morning. I feel so discouraged, angry, sick to my stomach and just pissed. I'm sorry but I feel it.
I am sick and tired of Noah going through one thing after another. It is not fair (whats fair I know) I have struggled for 4 years not being jealous of other people who just pop babies out and their completely healthy and fine. (I am not jealous of those children, as I have one myself, I am thankful that they are healthy, I am just jealous that Noah doesn't get to have it that easy.) I am bawling as I type this by the way, I am a complete emotional wreck. I don't know how to feel....I am angry that this is Noah's life and unfortunately will always be his life, then at the same time I feel less angry knowing that he hasn't experienced an easy life and therefore doesn't know what he is missing.
I am a christian and have been saved by grace, so therefore I know in my mind and heart that God has a purpose for this. I pray that he is touching peoples lives and bringing them closer to him....Oh how I pray this, or else It is all in vain. I am all for people being used for God's glory, (but come on Lord use someone else for a while please lol or col! (cry out loud)). Lord help me to be patient and sane. I'm so beat down and tired....oh yea and angry, frustrated. (The thing that really ticks me of is that I know that compared to some I have it easy, so what is my deal) I know that if this was happening to me I would deal with it a lot better, I would take it in a second, but I can't handle that is happening to my son, my son that we have fought so hard to keep and love more that I think is humanly possible sometimes.
Please pray for strength for Jeff and I. I am vocal about it and let my feelings fly, but my brave husband holds it in to be strong for us and I know he could use prayers for strength. And finally our precious little guy, pray that his little body will go through surgery well. That he will not be so sick when he wakes up, that he will wake up just fine. (This is his 9th or 10th time going under anaesthesia). He is a trooper and such an inspiration.
Thank you for your prayers they are so greatly needed!
Crystal
3 comments:
oh my Crystal! I'm so sorry that you are going through this once again. Dear Jesus, I lift up Crystal and Jeff to you right now. I pray that you give them peace and wisdom and most of all patience with you and the doc's. They so need a break from all this especially little Noah. I'm sure he is tired of all the pain too. So I ask that you be with the surgeons and help them to be more alert and cautious so that Noah won't have to do this again. Please give Crystal and Jeff an understanding in all this and a shoulder to cry on. I pray for Jeff to continue to be strong, but to remember you are there for him to cry out to. Thank you Jesus for Noah and his lovely smile to remind many how precious life is in your will no matter the situation. I lift this all up to you knowing your hands will be upon Jeff, Crystal, and Noah during this time. Thank you Jesus, in your precious name I pray, Amen. Love, The Malec Family
Crystal...it's so hard to go through these things...you are doing a GREAT job though....Noah is such a lucky little man to have such a loving, caring mommy and daddy like you...just reading your posts..I am so proud of you and what your have accomplished in yous and his lives. Yes, there are tough times, these will always be there...but it's how you handle them that will get you through...especially staying close to God and his loving arms....there are good things waiting both of you....and your cute little family....you are not alone though it sometimes feels that way....it's the little things...Noah has such a beautiful smile and sweet little personality...these come in part from you and your family...I know you take time to see that...HE is perfect....he just has things that will always be a challenge for all of you...I'm proud of you darlin...and I know there are a host of others who are also...keep up the courage, love for the Lord and good works!!! You guys will make it
Crystal, I have to say that I as I was reading your blog entries, I was reading through tears. I have known you for such a long time, and even though it has been forever and we have grown up and changed a bit, I have know doubt in my mind that you are an amazing mommy. You have always been such a strong and Faithful person, and even though there have been times that we have had our differences, I have always admired you! Noah and Ava are so lucky to have you. Good luck to your sweet little boy.
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