Kisses, Giggles and Little Toes!

Christmas cookies and a sweet memory!

2011-12-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

I found this on my camer the other day and had to share it, I think Noah is about 16 months old here...

Ava ready to get cooking

Noah's first day of school

2011-08-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

waiting for the bus

Costco...

2011-08-19T17:22:00.001-07:00

Taking care of Ferdiland

2011-08-19T17:21:00.001-07:00

Jeff Cell Phone Pics...

2011-08-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

I love cell phone pics, they catch the every day real life moments!

Noah's Birthday Cake...

2011-08-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

This cake was SO much fun to make! It took forever but Noah LOVED it!! He woke up from his nap, crawled up the table and yelled "it's a train!" right when he saw it!! Ill post birthday pics soon!

Harper Visit:)

2011-08-10T13:22:00.001-07:00

Informational Video About Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy (SDR) - St. Louis Children's Hospital

2011-08-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

Informational Video About Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy (SDR) - St. Louis Children's Hospital

Ill take you for a ride on my big blue tractor!

2011-07-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

Its actually our neighbors but dang he looks good on it.

4th of July Celebrations!

2011-07-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

This year we went to the Riverton Park Festivities again. Its a tradition, we haven't missed in probably 6 years, the kids really love it! We got to go with one of Noah's friends...Miss Hailey! She is such a sweetie, I keep hoping her and Noah will grow up and get married ha!

This ride was SO scary...Ava just had to go on it...she ended up screaming the entire time, and poor little Noah was so scared he couldn't pull his head up or grab on to the front handle...he was literally paralyzed with fear and couldn't get his little hands to work...it was AWFUL.

finally it was over

The kids both loved the fireworks...

They were both exhausted and wanted to snuggle with daddy:)

On our way home!

Herriman Days Parade

2011-06-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

I never went to parades when I was a kid, not one (rude mom!!) Anyway, I took the kids to the Herriman Days parade last year and I couldn't believe they throw candy! Even throw candy AT you, especially the teenage boys! When I told my husband this, he said, yea that's normal...I didn't know, so this year we were sure to bring bags to collect candy! This year daddy got to come to! Everything is much more fun with daddy:)

Here is little Noah waiting for the parade to start

Ava said these were "real princesses" she was enamoured with them

Ava waiting for candy:)

Me and Asher Smasher

I thought this float was kinda cute

A practical princess dress

2011-06-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

Ever since my daughter turned 3 she has become very independent. She loves princesses and wears princess dresses 75% of the time. She has a lot of them. Her Grandma Pam sends them to her, and i have found some at yard sales. The only problem is that they are not really everyday dresses so she ends up throwing a fit when i need to get her dressed to go somewhere. I put a sun dress on her and she says "it's too short and doesn't twirl enough" so I remembered that last year I made her this dress from clearance walmart fabric, I think I spent $2 for it. I told her to come here I have a surprise for her. When I showed her the dress she jumped for joy and said it was "just perfect and spins alot like a real princess"! Wahoo, now I just need to make 5 more of them! She told me that she wanted me to take pictures of her dancing outside in the dress....so for your entertainment here is Princess Ava!

Lake Powell 2011 Part 1

2011-06-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

Noah LOVED the captian chair!!

He LOVED the tube too!!!

Kindergarten Graduation

2011-06-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

This was a REALLY hard day for Momma. During the cute little program, I had small tears and sniffles, when the slide show came on and I got to see Noah doing so many awesome things, things I never thought he would do, I had a few more tears...but after I put him in his wheelchair and started walking him down the ramp, with my sweet family following right behind, humming songs from the recent slide show, I had a melt down. I cried harder than I have in a long time. I cried thinking this is the last time I we will step foot in this school, this is the last time that I can call my little man a kindergartner...this is the last time I can feel like he is a little boy. Now things really start...after a short precious summer, he will be going to school all day, like the same hours as a full time job. It makes me ill just thinking about it :( As bad as you don't want them too, they grow up. They get bigger and more independent, it happens right under your nose, you don't realize it, until you have a kindergarten graduation and then it becomes real to you!

Noah and my favorite teacher so far...Ms Becky

sniff sniff

Day out with Thomas part 1

2011-05-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

Im leaving for Lake Powell tomorrow...and I don't have time to blog much, but we went to "A day out with Thomas" I thought Noah would hyperventilate...he had SO much fun!

We didn't tell him before hand that we were going...so it was a total suprise...here he is just getting out of the van...

Seeing Thomas for the first time!!

He couldn't contain his excitment!

Ava and Papa

Noah and Uncle Troy

Ava watching the Magician...she was mesmorized...she sat like this the whole time!

We have been carying this baloon with us EVERYWHERE!

Getting his Percy tattoo

On the Train!!

Nana and Ava

My sister Jasa, little man Isaiah, Uncle Brad and Papa

Train Wistles.....Bad Idea

more to come!

Ava's Preschool Graduation...

2011-05-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was Ava's Graduation...It was SO much fun...Marla who is her teacher goes ALL OUT! She makes it so fun for the parents and kids...they made homemade hats for every song...it was like a show you pay to see! I took tons of pictures, here are a few highlights...

Papa, Noah and Nana waiting for the show to start

How much is that Doggy in the window

Hungry Dinosaur Poem

3 little monkeys

Bringing home a baby bumble bee (here is Ava squishing the bee:)

3 little Ducks

Marla asked all the kids what they want to be when they grew up...Most gave answers like a policeman, doctor, mommy, superman, Ava said when she grows up she wants to be "cookin dinner"!

Ava and Marla!

retina detachment

2011-05-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

hi folks, this is jeff...i found this site yesterday at work while i was looking up something fot a CVA-stroke patient of mine...its a website that gives those of us with normal vision and idea of what people with altered vision are seeing....i was surprised to see retinal detachment in there...some people probably know that Noah has dealt with retinal detachment...oddly enough, and as best as i understand, oxygen is posionous to the growth of developing eyeballs...so noah, at 24 weeks was still growing his eyeballs, but he was also out and about in this big bad world, so he needed to be on oxygen, and a lot of it (well there are different theories on how much preemies and mircopreemies need, and we were at a place that think he needed more)...so Noah had a few laser eye surgeries in his first 5 months to keep the retina from fully detaching...anyhow, here is a picture that shows what it may be like looking thru Noahs eyes...crazy...i never could really understand, or never got a good description of what it may be like for Noah, but this is maybe more than what i had figured...i had figured things were blurry, and maybe his glasses could help with that...i didn't realize there would be full on black outs, which i wouldn't think glasses could help with

http://visionsimulations.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=60&Itemid=172

The age of invention...

2011-05-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

Im not Teckie (is that even how you spell that word)? I have no clue, anyway Im not, I don't have a smartphone an ipad or even a laptop, but Nana has an ipod thingy that the kids LOVE...Nana is so sweet that she weekly drops it off at our house for a few days to let the kids play on it! They can both navigate it on their own...ava teaches me how to do it!!! So weird, I grew up in the 80s so not that long ago, but my kids are growing up in a whole new world...eek!

they like Zoodles?!?

Please Grow...

2011-05-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

Ava and I recently planted some flower seeds in this flower pot...She has been checking it everyday and upset that nothing has happened. I told her that maybe she could sing to it to help it grow...she giggled and went on her way...then a few hours later I found her outside sitting in her Dora chair singing a little song to our plant....I wish I could have gotten it on video but that door was shut and I knew that if she heard me there, she would have stoped right away...it was a song that said "please grow my baby flowers...please grow so big"! I love her little brain!

Easter

2011-04-28T10:16:00.001-07:00

Easter Egg hunt...

2011-04-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

We are the Blue Jays!

2011-04-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today was one of the BEST days of my life, Jeff feels the same. Seeing Noah do something that a "normal" kid does brought tears to my eyes. Having a team of sweet little souls that are all so unique and special, made me feel like we are not alone! We, and All these other parents struggle and wonder if they are doing the right thing...but with all of us together, yelling and cheering for everyone's child and our hearts swelling with pride as our little ones hit that ball made me feel like part of a community and that made me feel like we are going to be ok! It was a great day!

Our team in the outfield

runnin home!!

Hailey one of our favorite little girls! (her mom Kristy and I met at costco!)

Pet day at school

2011-04-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today was pet day in Noah's class....I brought our dog Daisy, thinking Noah probably wouldn't care too much, but boy was I wrong. He grabbed the leash and told the kids all about daisy including about her poop! I was so proud, he is growing up SO fast :( Noah class also has had eggs in an incubator and today 3 hatched! Ava has asked me everyday to go check on the chicks, so we have got to go visit Noah more than normal!

Noah Photo Shoot

2011-04-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

This monring he just looked so darn cute while we were waiting for the school bus in beautiful spring sunny weather!

I sometimes wonder if every parent feels this kind of love...ha! It's so consuming it's hard to relize Im not the only one who has felt this way for their child...love you sweet little man!

wild woman

2011-04-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

While checking on the kids tonight, I found my daughter asleep on her dresser?

It was so hilarious that I woke my husband and made him come look at her! We just sat and stared at her with hearts overflowing with love for our wild little one...she is so adventurous and free spirited!

Born to be a ballerina!

2011-04-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

This is a quote from about a week ago......Ava comes to me after using the potty..."Mommy I pooped a little, but I'm still a ballerina...right?" HAHA!!

After about 4 months, we finally got Ava enrolled in a ballerina class...the Rec center near our house just opened and they have great prices! We had our first class last week and she LOVED it...Ive never ever seen a girl like her, out of the amount of time she is awake she probably spends 75% of the time dancing! Not to brag but she was for sure the cutest one in her class!

Mornings...

2011-04-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

I just love being able to be with my kids everymorning. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home and take care of my little munchkins.

Taking Ava to school this morning...(notice my dog smiling!)

My little princess trying to catch snowflakes!

I love him...

2011-03-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sweet Noah...

2011-03-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a little time away from the computer and get some things done that I have desperately needed to get done. I'm still not finished with everything I needed to do, but It is amazing what you can get done when you stay off the computer Ha!

I got 75% of my flower beds cleaned out...we had a very crazy fall last year so I never got around to pruning them back and they were nasty...I started preparing the vegetable garden but have a ton of work left on that...Does anyone know much about compost...I heard it is to late to add it or it will harm the vegetable growth? I have good soil but I'm sure I need to do something to it...I got all my vegetable starts in the house going! I LOVE spring!!!

I also got lots of house cleaning done...upstairs and downstairs carpet cleaning, I decided that since Noah spends 90%of his time on the floor at home I'm not allowing shoes on the carpet anymore...that was a big step for me since I have clients in the house all the time, I hope no one gets offended but I really need to make sure Noah's environment is as clean as possible:) Ava also got new bedroom furniture...well new to her, she got my little sisters old furniture which is much nicer my old hand me downs she has from when I was a kid ...

Jeff is taking a class right now for work and Is really learning a lot, we even got to take Noah in twice for some ideas from the teachers on how to help Noah's walking and being able to do some stretching without hurting him....wahoo!!!! I'm SO sick of hurting my baby boy...It's like a breath of fresh air....he giggled through the whole thing because he just thinks it's a game! This week Ill try to get it on video and post it!

Here is Noah walking on the railing that Jeff built down our hall, he feels like such a big boy when he uses it!

Here he is waiting for the school bus....it's so funny how much he loves his bus:)

Todaloo

Snow day....

2011-02-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

Ava LOVES the snow....actually she loves it so much that frequently in her prayers she will say "God please bring snow so i can shovel with my daddy"! So to her enjoyment and delight she woke up to 4 inches of fresh white snow!! Happy day for little princess. Daddy even taught her how to make snow angles.

The forecast is calling for more snow too, she she will probably get to shovel twice!

Way back Wednesday...Hawaii 2005 (part 2)

2011-02-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

My toes in the sand:)

Our morning visitor...actually we were probably the morning visitor...it's his beach after all ha!

(I cant figure out how to turn this one...I love my belly though:)

My glasses Jeff picked out for me...riding a boat

Aren't we cute!!

Before my husband got 'Inked'

Way back Wednesday on Thursday...again

2011-02-24T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hey friends...So around my house we have had just about every illness you can think of. But things are much better now!

My way back Wednesday is Hawaii 2005! This is the only time Jeff and I have ever been but it is by far our favorite vacation we have EVER been on! We always reminisce about this trip...we shared a condo with my family, and Jeff and I slept in the spare room with my little sissy (then only 12 years old) she slept on the floor and we still giggle about her snoring! We slept with the sliding door open and we listened to the waves all night. Ahhh Looking at these picture and writing this post just make me feel relaxed...I wish i was there right now!

This is part one of maybe 2 or 3 way back Wednesdays, because I took hundreds of pictures. I was 20 weeks pregnant with our little Noah...I had no idea that 4 short weeks later he would be born.

My mom and dad...

Me and my sisters Jasa and Maddy

I love this one, me and my little Noah

My sweet Nana and sister

My Nana and sisters

This was just our first day on the island of Kauai...It was incredible!!!

way back wednesday...on thursday

2011-02-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have been busy taking care of not 1, not 2 but 3 sick little ones in my house (well I guess my hubby isn't so little) but Ive been exhausted and living on very little sleep. My house is a WRECK...I can't even open my eyes fully for fear of seeing just how bad it really is, because as of now I have no energy to clean it...ha!

Here is my honey and I Christmas 2004...It's weird because saying or writing 2004 to me seems so recent but in reality its pretty far back...I laugh when I see these pictures, we had no worries or cares...we loved our 2 little dogs like they were our children...life was so easy back then! We also look really really young and skinny....babe we really need to get our butt's in gear!

Isaiah Benjamin

2011-02-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

My sister Jasa and her husband got their little miracle! Welcome to our crazy family little one:)

forgot this...

2011-02-10T12:21:00.000-08:00

This photo is from our recent train ride...noah was ver excited can you tell?

Way Back Wednesday....

2011-02-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

Ive been wanting to do this for so long...I follow several blogs and they do a post called 'way back wednesday', where you post older pictures of yourself or family. Here is my first one!! Noah's baby shower September of 2005. I found these photos yesterday and I have never seen them before...when i think back on this day it kind of makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hadn't even held Noah yet and we were all worried to even plan this shower due to the possibility that Noah would not survive. I am so thankful for my wonderful friends and family who took the time to prepare this wonderful shower...I look at my smile in these pictures and I get that same feeling back...bittersweet. On a lighter note, our little boy lived and he is the light of our life!!!!

31!

2011-02-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

Ava's bed head!

Ava took these last 2!

Happy Birthday Honey, we love you SO much!

Train...

2011-02-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we took a little ride on 'the train'....i wanted to to actually get to ride on one to see what it's like, and he loved it!!

Thomas the Train made my day...

2011-01-28T11:21:00.000-08:00

Today I was lucky enough to get a nice new haircut thanks to Thomas the Train. As many of you know Noah is completely obsessed with him. Today when I picked him to load him in the van to take sissy to school, he turned in on and the wheels got stuck in my hair and rolled all the way up, I now have a rather large section about an inch long. I'm hoping I can figure out someway to blend it in or I will end up with a much shorter do:( The funniest part was that It sat hanging in my hair while I loaded both kids in the van!

Toodaloo

Fall Photoshoot...

2011-01-27T15:22:00.000-08:00

These photoes are by Tatiana Frandsen, I met Tatiana when she came to buy some of Noah's shoes he had outgrown but were in perfect condition (he doesn't walk) she saw the ad on KSL. We have become good friends since then, kind of a funny way to meet someone! She captured my kids PERFECTLY! These are my favorite photos we have ever taken of them. Prior to this we had never even had pictures done unless it was in a studio for christmas! I have had them for months and just relized I have never posted them. Enjoy!

she looks so big here..

I love this one...

this one to me tooks like...just sittin here waitin for my girl!

way back when...

2011-01-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

I was looking at old pictures today, reminiscing i guess you could say, and I ran across these pictures. They make me smile:) I miss this age, when they were both so easy to haul anywhere! Neither one of them were walking but they could fit is one cart!

Ann Voscamp...she can stir my soul like few people can...

2011-01-26T13:56:00.000-08:00

Familiarity breeds boredom only to the blind and the real see-ers know the worth of vows worn polish smooth with all the days.

This truly touched me. I think as a mom of 2 little ones this was exactly what I needed to hear. I am blessed beyond all measure to have a man who loves me and wants to be with me. I want to be the kid of wife that honors and respects the man who completely takes care of our little family. Her words are amazing! I'm so excited to read her book....

http://www.aholyexperience.com/

Noah got his wheelchair!

2011-01-25T10:59:00.000-08:00

http://clipsyndicate.com/video/playlist/20021/2137747?wpid=9604

School again....

2011-01-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

Noah got to go to school for the first time in 3 weeks, he was SO happy! He sat at the door crying for 30 minutes before the bus got to our house, saying "where's my wonder bus?" That kid is so funny, this year for Christmas I asked him what he wanted, and he told me chocolate cake and a school bus! The funny thing is he didn't want a toy bus, he wanted a real school bus!! Like my van isn't hard enough to drive:)

We are picking up Noah's new wheelchair today from Shriner's! I am SO thankful that so many friends, family and wonderful ABC 4 viewers donated so this could happen for our little Noah.

If you want to see him with his new wheelchair you can watch ABC 4 again tonight, and they will be covering our Shriner's visit!

Also thank you so much for the donations that keep coming in, we are finally able to get caught up on a few things that we are so behind on. I had no idea that an email from a dear friend who knew we were really struggling could cause so many wonderful things to happen and could be such an exciting adventure! My 3 year old keeps telling me she is a movie star because she is on TV. She came in this morning wearing her Snow White nightgown telling me she wants to look like a princess for the cameraman today!

Toodaloo

Our little Noah makes his 2nd television debut...

2011-01-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

Thank you ABC 4 News!

2011-01-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

Our little Noah was featured on ABC 4 news last night with a short little clip and people were so in love with the story they were writing and calling in to get more info about Noah! The producers called me this afternoon and said they are going run a longer story today at 5 and 10! They are also going to follow us to Shriner's tomorrow to pick up the chair!!

I was prompted by a friend to tell you a little about financially what it's like to have a permanently disabled child. Every month we literally spend hundreds of dollars paying for diapers, co pays, medication, doctor bills, and gas in our vehicle.

One of my friends found out we were struggling and sent our story to ABC 4 news. My husband is a wonderful provider and a hard worker. With that being said, there is just NO way financially to be prepared for this. We have been struggling since Noah was born, however September of last year the hardship really started. Noah had a baclofen pump put in to help him with how tight his muscles were, that got infected and then got his shunt infected. We were in the hospital for 3 weeks with Noah on an external drain connected to his brain that was draining the spinal fluid. That was the surgery that just made things spiral downward.

Our friends and family have been SO incredibly generous and have kept us a float, donating funds for Now I Can (intensive therapy) helping us pay some of our bills that we couldn't cover. We are still having a hard time but it gives us such strength to see people from our community who don't even know Noah contact us and tell us they want to help! It brings tears to my eyes!! Thank you for your love and support for this precious little boy!

Crystal Harper

Fast track...Noah's Birth Story...

2011-01-22T22:59:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are new to my blog, here is the story of how our little Noah came to be...

I warn you it's VERY long. I relized that I left out a lot of the story, but this is a (lol) condensed version. I know somthings may have been remembered differently by other people, but this is from my perspective, and how I remember it....enjoy!

Jeff and I had been married about 2 years and were doing great. We were both working full time, making really good money, we had two paid for cars, a 2 bedroom townhouse we owned, and were very much enjoying being together. We both felt like we had things pretty lined up and were doing really good, so we decided to try for a baby.

After about 6 months of trying, we became pregnant, and were due to have a baby on November 17th 2005. My pregnancy went wonderful, I felt better than I had ever felt, I had lots of energy which was wonderful since I was working close to 50 hours a week as a hairdresser in a busy salon with a full clientele. We were so excited! We had all these Ideas of what our little boy (Jeff was secretly praying for a boy, I on the other hand was petrified of boys or anything boyish, since I had been raised in a house full of girls and everything girly) would be like. We thought about all the things we wanted to teach him, the things he would do...would he play baseball, basketball, we joked maybe he would be a male ballerina dancer but as long as he was happy that was ok with us.

Jeff and I had decided to take one last spur of the moment trip as a childless couple. Jeff's family is big into motorcycles and there was a big hill climb in Billings Montana that his Uncle was riding in. We talked to the family, found out all the details, map quested it and decided that it was very do-able. So about a week later we headed out at 4 am on July 29th for Billings. I still think about the details of that trip. We hoped in the car and began our 9 hour drive. I remember feeling a little uncomfortable but nothing unusual, I was after all 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant. We made it to Montana without a hitch,

The first night was great catching up with family, we all went to bed around 10 to be up in time for the hill climb the next morning. The hill climb turned out to be really fun. Lots of people, we were right up front, under a little sun tent with camp chairs. It was really hot, and I was exhausted, I tried to keep well hydrated, but honestly I could help but fall asleep. I love stuff like this, the crowds, the excitement, but literally I could not stay awake. I must have slept under that tent for several hours, because I remember getting up to go get a drink and feeling like I had laid there a month. I was so sore and achy, and tired. We soon left to go back to the KOA campground we had been staying at, and to cool off, we decided to take a dip in the pool, then dinner and a campfire. That night we went to bed a little later maybe 11. Little did I know my entire life would change within 24 hours.

The morning of July 31st, I woke up sore, but when I made a trip to the rest room I noticed on single drop of blood in my panties. I had never had any bleeding, but I had heard that some women did, so I was kind of worried but not super stressed. I went and told my husband Jeff and he said to call my doctor just to be safe. (Our doctor is a family friend and I had her cell phone number) When I talked to her, she said she would like me to just go into the emergency room and have them check me out real quick. She reassured me that we had just had the 20 week ultrasound, everything looked picture perfect and she figured they would just watch me for a bit and send me on my way. I told Jeff what she said, and he completely agreed, although he was bummed that he would have to miss his uncle in the finals, but when I suggested that he stay back, and I go alone, he said no (thank God he did) So we loaded in the car with my mother in law in toe, to the little hospital in Billings.

When we arrived, the terror began. It was the strangest thing. We checked in and they made me sit in a wheel chair, when I objected they said it was policy and everyone has to so I sat down. Right then I started contracting. I didn't tell Jeff right away, but I had a very sick feeling in my stomach. As they wheeled me into the room, I continued having them. I got up on the bed and they put the contraction belt on me and hooked me up to the machines and then asked me a bunch of questions. Then they left me to be "watched". They monitored me for an hour or so, but said that they couldn't see any major contractions, and decided to call my doctor and tell her that everything seemed ok. When they talked to her, she asked that they do an ultrasound and vaginal exam to make sure, and also to reassure me. I was happy, because I loved seeing out little Noah on the screen and seeing his picture with him moving and his little heart beating would help put me at ease.

The ultrasound Tec came in and started getting to work. Everything seemed very normal, then all the sudden her face went kind white and she told me she was going to go get the doctor. Within about a minute our room was filled with people. I remember the doctor and a few nursed gathered around looking at the monitor, and I remember this as clear as day...one nurse asked "Is that his head" and the doctor saying in a really nervous voice "No that is". Then I started crying and freaking out and said what's wrong...what's wrong....talk to me! The doctor pointed to the screen and said that Noah's entire foot and leg was through the birth canal. I remember not really understanding what that even meant, or ok so let’s just push it back up...so I said what does that mean? The nurse who was giving me my IV said in a stupid happy voice "you are having a baby today!" (To this day I'm not sure if she even knew how far along I was or if she was just trying to make me feel not so scared) The room was buzzing...there were so many people and I felt numb, paralyzed, I knew this was not good, but no one had told me how bad it was yet.

When the doctor was cleaning me up from the vaginal exam, he told me that Noah foot was just barely inside me and the water sack was still intact. (Through this all my husband was so strong, I asked him later and he said he knew he had to hold it together for me, but he was scared out of his mind) The doctor told me that they weren't sure what they were going to do, so they would call my doctor. I remember the nurse telling me that she was going to give me a shot, and it would "burn like fire". Before this incident, I use to have my mom sit on me for shots and I would cry if I knew I had to get a shot, but I didn't even care now. I just wanted my mom there. I felt like if my mom was there, she could fix it.

The doc came in and told me that they were going to do another ultrasound and take some measurements of the baby. I didn't realize it then but there were looking to see if he was "viable" worth saving...it makes me discussed now. It was like I was in a dream. Like I was floating above my body, watching all this happen. The nurse and doctor started explaining to me that they didn't know if he would make it or not. He would likely be a little over a pound and he may turn out to be a vegetable. It was just a guessing game, they had no idea what would happen. They decided to send me over to the bigger hospital down the road so I rode in an ambulance for about 4 min until we got there. It was so annoying, having to get all new nurses and doctors and answering the same questions a hundred times. I just wanted it all to stop. The new doctor told me that they weren't equipped to handle a baby on a ventilator, so he would not survive there. I'm guessing that my doctor at home in Utah, was discussing with these doctors what to do...It seemed like I may stay there and deliver since I really couldn't go anywhere with a baby sticking half way out of my body, by this time I had also begun heavy bleeding and heavy contractions. I was so in shock I really didn't understand anything, but the next thing I remember them saying was "You going home." The plane will be here in 10 min, then there were people putting me on a different gurney, and some guys came in with different clothing on, they were the "flight nurses" I remember them asking my husband what he weighed, and Him saying 180...I asked the nurse (who was very nice to me, she is the only one whose face I actually remembered, she kind of reminded me of my momma) why they needed to know, she told me that we would be on a small Jet and it had a weight limit. I told her with tears in my eyes and panic in my voice that I would not go if my husband wasn't coming with me. I heard her tell someone he weighed 150 then look at me and say that she would make sure he got on that plane. That woman was my angel I am so thankful to her. All the while, Jeff's mom was calling my mom and had the entire church praying for us. She herself had just landed in Billings with my little sister. A few minutes later they said "Ok lets go" I felt my body start to roll down the hallway. I remember it being really hot and loud all of the sudden and then realizing that I was outside. I remember the inside of that white little plane, and panicking because I didn't know where Jeff was and wondering if they hadn't let him on. I started sobbing and yelling "where is my husband"...then them pointing across the plane and like a movie it went quiet and I could see him and things felt calm for a minute, he smiled and held up the I Love you sign...and I closed my eyes.

Taking off was hell, I literally felt like Noah was slipping out. I had painful contractions and all the medications they shot me up with were beginning to take effect and they made me feel like hell. I literally remember thinking at one point "this is the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life." The nurses kept pulling bright red blood soaked towels up from the gurney and replacing them with clean ones. That happened several times. While we were up in the air, my mom had landed, and found out that we had just taken off for salt lake city...there were no seats left on the plane back to salt lake...so some kind person gave my momma a seat and miraculously she arrived in SLC before I did due to the fact that the small plane I was on had to go around some big storms to keep me from having the baby in the plane and to keep me from hemorrhaging. I also remember going in for the landing and feeling HUGE relief because we were going down head first and I felt no pressure!

When we landed, I was rushed to an ambulance and then to the university of Utah. When we got in my room, I saw my momma!!! There were also 20 or so close friends and family gathered in a near by waiting room to support me. Then the whirlwind started again. Once again the ultrasound Tec did an ultrasound, only this time what they told me was much more gut wrenching. They told me there was less than a fifty fifty chance he would survive his first night. If he did make it, he would most certainly have major difficulties in life and he would also have a much worse outcome because he was a boy. I remember feeling like it was the end of the world…now I feel much differently.

Noah was born 20 min after I arrived...at 6:08 pm on July 31st 2005...weighing 1lb 13 oz and 13 inch long. The only thing I remember in the operating room was Jeff holding my hand and saying "crys, he's bigger than I thought he would be" Since no one was sure he would survive, as soon as he was stable enough in the NICU they let my pastor, family and friends go in and circle around him and pray for his little life. Noah's ears were not even fully formed yet, his eyes were still fused shut, and you could see his veins or organs through his thin skin, but he was perfect to us. I was so drugged up when they wheeled me into see him, I was hitting my face when they put our beds side by side trying to make my eyes open so I could see our little boy. I wanted to touch him because I was sure he was scared and I wanted him to know that I loved him and I was so sorry I couldn't keep him safe any longer. I never got to and I couldn't wake up enough to see him...but he was loved, he always had someone from my family by his side...for that I am so thankful.

I woke up later that night, with tons of people in my room...praying for me, two of my favorite girlfriends running my puke buckets too and from the sink (now that’s true friendship). I saw my Jeffy and that made me smile, I asked how Noah was and he smiled and asked me if I wanted to go see him. He wheeled me in and we put our gowns on, and scrubbed with a brush from hands to elbows...Jeff had already gotten to know or little guy...he had written a verse about how God knew Noah when he was knit in my womb, and hand taped it to his isolette. Noah was so beautiful, his little hands and fingers, and tiny feet...he could literally fit into the palm of your hand. He made it through the first night....and the next and the next...he survived a grade 4 bilateral brain bleed on his 5th day of life (which is the worst brain bleed you can have)...but fought right through it...several times he almost lost his life due to massive infections, and he were asked if we wanted to keep him on life support...we prayed about it and we did. We are realistic people and Jeff and I had talked and agreed about what would have to happen to have us take him off support, but that until those things happened, we were going to let our little boy decide for himself how bad he wanted to live...and he sure did. I know there were many nurses who asked themselves why this little boy just wouldn't die, me and my mom use to joke about it through our tears about how stubborn he was and how "he just wouldn’t die" and we were so thankful that he wouldn't!

In the end Noah was in the New Born ICU for 103 days...He had a brain bleed, hydrocephalus, was shunted, had 3 brain surgeries, a heart surgery, survived countless infections...but SURVIVED!! Today our little guy is about to celebrate his 5th birthday, and is walking with a walker, eating by himself, playing, laughing, and going to school! He is the happiest little boy you will ever meet, and he loves life.

5-Year-Old Noah Harper Needs Help Getting a Wheelchair

2011-01-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

5-Year-Old Noah Harper Needs Help Getting a Wheelchair

Here is the link to the story ABC 4 news ran on our little Noah!

Final Day of Now I Can

2011-01-21T19:03:00.000-08:00

Salt Lake Tribune

2011-01-20T16:10:00.000-08:00

hey everyone, this is jeff

our friend chad ,who wrote that great blog about noah, rewrote it and submitted it to the salt lake tribune. you can check it out here or there ---> http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/51082508-78/noah-walk-jeff-center.html.csp

Now I Can day 13!

2011-01-19T13:54:00.001-08:00

A GOOD LAUGH!!

2011-01-19T00:08:00.000-08:00

I saw this on a blog I follow and It made me laugh so hard I literally peed in my pants (well only a little, but that's what happens when you have had 2 kids)!
Nothing says ‘I have a 2 year old’ like a potty chair in the kitchen

Nothing says ‘I’ve given birth in a room full of strangers, I just don’t care’ like answering the door without a bra on when the UPS guy comes.

Nothing says ‘desperate’ like wearing your baby’s diaper because you ran out of tampons.

Nothing says ‘I nurse a baby multiple times a night’ like wearing your spit-up covered sleep shirt to Target.

Nothing says ‘I need to go back to Weight Watchers’ like still wearing your maternity jeans even though you aren’t pregnant anymore.

Nothing says ‘I should work with him on how to kiss’ like getting Frenched by your toddler.

Nothing says ‘Mommy wants to be alone for one blasted second’ like a locked bathroom door.

Nothing says ‘I have two kids’ like a heart as full of love as the cupboard is of Cheerios.

Nothing says ‘What the!?’ like finding a capless orange Sharpie inside your pillowcase in the middle of the night.

Nothing says ‘I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what’s for dinner’ like nothing in the oven.

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a pudding lipped kiss.

Nothing says ‘You might think I’m trustworthy enough to be in the bathroom by myself, but I’m not’ like a countertop full of baby powder.

Nothing says ‘I’m overwhelmed’ like losing track of one of your children and not searching for them for a few minutes because you’re kind of enjoying the peace.

Nothing says ‘I seriously need some boundaries’ like showing your husband how far you can shoot breastmilk across the bedroom.

Nothing says ‘I’ve given birth two times’ like a wet spot on the couch after you sneeze, cough or laugh.

Nothing says ‘I hope no one saw that’ like wiping your baby’s spitup off his chin with his own shirt.

Nothing says ‘mommy body’ like breasts that sag halfway to your bellybutton.

Nothing says ‘romance’ like getting a backrub with the wheels of a GeoTrax train by your husband.

Nothing says ‘I have a 2 year old’ like a potty chair in the kitchen.

Now I Can day 10

2011-01-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today was a hard day...but also a good day, it's so long because Surgio explains how the Neuro Suit works and there is a cool clip of Noah walking in a walker!

Tears...

2011-01-14T15:29:00.000-08:00

I just read it again, check out the post Jeff and my dear friend wrote about Noan...It's his January 5th post.

beadearandcalltheparamedics.tumblr.com/

Now I Can day 7

2011-01-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

Now I Can day 6

2011-01-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

Now I Can day 5

2011-01-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

Now I Can day 4

2011-01-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU

2011-01-06T19:14:00.001-08:00

I would like to give a huge Shout out to all the wonderful giving people that have donated towards Noah's therapy and wheelchair! You have been such a huge blessing in our life, I wish Noah Jeff and I could wrap our arms around each one of you and not let go. Thanks you Kathy B, Carol O, Megan M, Kirk P, Muriel T, Alyssa T, Muriel T, Brad H, Chad W, and Carrolyn! We love you guys.

Now I Can day 3

2011-01-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

Now I Can day 2 video

2011-01-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

Noah Now I Can Day video

2011-01-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

2011-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,

Noah started Now I Can therapy today...It was so much harder than I had ever imagined. Basically he screamed for 3 hours. They didn't even do the 4th hour because he was in so much pain. I know it's for his good, but it's is horrible when you hear your son screaming begging for "mommy hold me". Please Please Pray that I have the strength to be there to get him through this. The benefits of this therapy are amazing, I could make Noah's quality of life so much grater...God is good and after today I feel like just going and laying at his feet. I am mentally drained, I can only imagine how my little Noah is feeling. They say if's only this bad for the first week, lets hope so.

I have set up a donation button on the right side of my blog....we are really struggeling to pay for the entire treatment. If you feel led to help it would be greatly appreciated! Times are tough right now, I know if you can help that way, prayers are just as good! Thank you

Christmas Eve...

2010-12-24T21:19:00.000-08:00

a glimpse of 2010....

2010-12-21T09:37:00.000-08:00

Jeff downloaded hundreds of pictures from his phone yesterday, and I picked out a few of my favorites to show you...enjoy!

href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_u5OTcc7hyfQ/TRDq03SzN2I/AAAAAAAAFyo/wg1UerjmMIA/s1600/1125001034a.jpg">

Poor Noah...

2010-11-01T12:52:00.000-07:00

We had such a wonderfull day yesterday...we drove up to park city and spent the afternoon at Uncle Brad's house. (Jeff's brother) The kids always ask to go see "uncle Bwads house" so we did, the drive was incredible and Brad has a cozy fire place...sniff, sniff:( Anyway the kids had a blast and when we got home, we took them down to bed and as soon as we started to get Noah's jammies dressed, he threw up ALL over Jeff (I mean all over it was Nasty) So we put Ava to bed and our tradition is for Jeff or I to sleep in our bed with the sick child and the other to sleep on the couch. It was my turn, Jeff had to work today, but Noah got all excited when we put him on our bed (They have NEVER been allowed to sleep with us unless they are sick) and he whispered "Daddy can you hang out with us"!!! So we all three laid in bed and watched football! It was a very special memory...It was so fun to see Jeff and Noah fall asleep in each others arms:) Jeff finally did find his way to the couch about 1am!

Noah's Parade at Kindergarten...

2010-11-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

ARRR...little pirate!

2010-11-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

Poor Noah...he was for the third year in a row...a pirate. I just didn't really get into halloween at all this year. We didn't trick or treat or anything. The kids dressed up in costumes we allready had from previous years to have their halloween parties at school, and on the 31st it was cold, windy and rainy, so we just went to Chuckie Cheeses! Noah looks so stinking cute though...he even wore his hat the whole time at school, because all the other kids were! Way to go big boy!!

little red "hiding" hood....

2010-11-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

That's what Ava told people she was dressed up like:)

(notice littl Noah in the background...hehe)

cornbellies!

2010-10-23T15:38:00.001-07:00

Ava loves this place...she is obsessed with the "real princess that lives there". As soon as we get there she wants to go see her. She loves the cow train and the slides. Noah says he wants to go, but as soon as we get there, he starts whining.

(Im not sure how a ballet pic got in there, but I can't figure out how to delete it haha)

Train ride at the mall

2010-10-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

We don't go to the mall very often, but I had to run there the other day to exchange sizes, and Ava saw the train and begged and begged to ride on it. I told we needed to wait until daddy and brother were there so they could ride with us. I Figured she would forget about it. We got home and as soon as daddy walked through the door she told him all about the train and begged him to taker her on it. We went that night....and for $12.00 we got to ride around the mall once, about 4 minutes. Ouch that was a hard $12 to shell out, but both the kids loved it. I wish a ride in a train at the mall could make me that happy:)

Ava's first day of preschool...

2010-10-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Ava's been going to school for over a month, and finally here are the pics! The first one just shows that I didn't cry!! (quite a switch to Noah's first day of school)...

Pumpkin Carving 2010

2010-10-23T13:56:00.001-07:00

Room remodel

2010-10-23T13:43:00.001-07:00

Jeff and I put up some wainscoating in our room and to keep the kids occupied so we could work, we have them our camera. They took about 30 pictures, here are a few highlights!

Gymnastics...

2010-10-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Noah came home with a note in his backpack from a local gym, offering kids with special needs free gymnastic classes!! It was something Jeff and I were a little worried about, because we just were not sure how much he could do and how much he would actually like it.

We have been 3 times now and I think it's one of Noah's favorite places to go!! There are 2 girls that are in charge of him, and they help him stretch, they jump on the tramp, play in the foam pit and other things. Jeff and I followed them around the first 2 times, helping and watching, but this last time we decided to sit in the bleachers and watch him. It was so exciting because he loved that we weren't there, He was just fine without us, in fact I think he had MORE fun without us following him around. He is such a flirt and loves all the attention from the girls, and they are so great with him!

a few more tips...

2010-09-02T17:15:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to show you the fruits of my labor...or rather lack of labor. I have totally neglected my garden, but it's so sweet it keeps on giving! So I wanted to give you a glimpse into my stock up spaces.

One picure shows are toiletries I stock up on...I no longer pay for toothpaste or toothbrushes...You can almost always get these for free about once every three months. The deoderaunt...I usually don't pay more than .25 cents for those...however I have so many because they were free, so needless to say I won't have to buy Jeff any for a year or so. The razors, I pay no more thatn $1 to $2 for those. These retail for about $8 to $10 so I stock up when I can. Shaving cream is almost always .50 or less (before I begain couponing I never used this because It was a "luxury item" for me, not anymore!) I get most of our body wash for $1 or less and these are nice top of the line brands...not the cheap stuff.

Kids stuff I ALWAYS stock up on...even if I don't need it at the stage of my kids life...we rarely use diaper rash cream, but I buy it for next to nothing and always throw that and a box of wipes (for .50) in a shower gift. Diapers I can usually find for about $4.00 per pack and stock up when I can.

So there are a few tips, hope they help!

a few tips

2010-09-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

So I get a lot of people ask me if couponing is "just for junk food" "do you eat anything healthy"....um yea. I have a $50 (sometimes $60) a week budget for food. There is a list called grocerysmarts, (you can get to it off utahdealdiva.com) It tells us the most popular stores and their sales that week. I often find myself spending quite a lot of money in produce sometimes. So I will but when it is on a great sale and buy alot...but I know produce goes bad, but I freeze alot of what I buy. I have been shopping at farmers markets lately, and have been buying much more than I need right now.

I do this with onions, peppers, tomatoes, squash, zuccinni and anykind of berry. These are the items I feel like really freeze and thaw well. I first wash and cut up the veggie I am going to store. I let it sit out for about 10 min to dry...then I spread it on a baking tray and place in the freezer for about 25 min. (tie a string around your finger or something, I do this alot and often foget about it, and the next morning find them totally dried out and ruined:(...) Then I place in a cheap ziploc type brand, and then put that in a nice freezer bag (these were just on sale for $1 from almost $4 per box, so I bought about 15 boxes!) Then I mark it with the date. I try to use them within 3 months or so.

Next week I am going to make stuffed bell peppers and I would not recomend freezing and entire bell pepper...im frugle but not crazy, so I will stock up on those at the farmers market this weekend.

Back to School Night...

2010-09-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, where do I start??? I have been MIA for a LONG time I know. Life suddenly got crazy busy! I have been 'remodeling' the salon, I have been trying to set up and etsy shop and get some items made to go up on it, I have been going to Jazzercise 4 times a week. I have been cooking alot, cleaning alot, preparing to transition the house because my grandmother is moving out...and on top of all that my kids are both starting school. WOW, I feel exhausted just typing it all.

Last night we had Noah's back to school night, I have been so excited about this all week, because our little...not so little boy... is a big kindergartner now!! I have signed up to do all sorts of things in PTA , and Noah's class...which I am excited about. I love Noah's teacher this year, she is new, young and fresh and has alot of energy (she also seems tough enough to not take Noah's lip:) and Noah seems to really like her too. He is also getting excited about riding the bus again this year, we have been talking about it for a few weeks now, and he gets so excited when we drive next to a bus, he yells "MOM, There is my new bus!" He is going 5 days a week this year (I guess all kindergartners do lol) but Im a little worried, and because of budget cuts, he has to be in the afternoon class, which is right during his nap time (which he still very much needs) I guarantee he will be dead asleep when he arrives home on the bus (this happened last year also until I switched him to morning class). Oh well, I just hope his little body can get use to the transition.

School starts Friday for him, and then Ava starts on the 10th, and she goes 2 days a week for 2.5 hours...she is beyond excited, she has allready told me which dress she wants to wear! Her and I went to her school orientation yesterday too, but I forgot my camera:(

Wheeler Farm

2010-07-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

Spirit Lake...

2010-07-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

The kids and I went up to Spirit Lake in the Uinta mountians this past weekend. My great uncle use to own it, so I have been going up there since I was about 3 or 4. Its one of my favorite places, and it was so exciting to let my kids experience it too! My family was all up there and the kids had a blast....

noah...

2010-07-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

Ava...

2010-07-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

Horse Riding

2010-07-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Noah's birth story...

2010-07-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

One of my friends is doing a report on my little Noah, so I had to write up his birth story. It was so theraputic, so I thought I would post it so others who have always wondered can read it...I warn you it's VERY long. I relized that I left out a lot of the story, but this is a (lol) condensed version. I know somthings may have been remembered differently by other people, but this is from my perspective, and how I remember it....enjoy!

Jeff and I had been married about 2 years and were doing great. We were both working full time, making really good money, we had two paid for cars, a 2 bedroom townhouse we owned, and were very much enjoying being together. We both felt like we had things pretty lined up and were doing really good, so we decided to try for a baby.

After about 6 months of trying, we became pregnant, and were due to have a baby on November 17th 2005. My pregnancy went wonderful, I felt better than I had ever felt, I had lots of energy which was wonderful since I was working close to 50 hours a week as a hairdresser in a busy salon with a full clientele. We were so excited! We had all these Ideas of what our little boy (Jeff was secretly praying for a boy, I on the other hand was petrified of boys or anything boyish, since I had been raised in a house full of girls and everything girly) would be like. We thought about all the things we wanted to teach him, the things he would do...would he play baseball, basketball, we joked maybe he would be a male ballerina dancer but as long as he was happy that was ok with us.

Jeff and I had decided to take one last spur of the moment trip as a childless couple. Jeff's family is big into motorcycles and there was a big hill climb in Billings Montana that his Uncle was riding in. We talked to the family, found out all the details, map quested it and decided that it was very do-able. So about a week later we headed out at 4 am on July 29th for Billings. I still think about the details of that trip. We hoped in the car and began our 9 hour drive. I remember feeling a little uncomfortable but nothing unusual, I was after all 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant. We made it to Montana without a hitch,

The first night was great catching up with family, we all went to bed around 10 to be up in time for the hill climb the next morning. The hill climb turned out to be really fun. Lots of people, we were right up front, under a little sun tent with camp chairs. It was really hot, and I was exhausted, I tried to keep well hydrated, but honestly I could help but fall asleep. I love stuff like this, the crowds, the excitement, but literally I could not stay awake. I must have slept under that tent for several hours, because I remember getting up to go get a drink and feeling like I had laid there a month. I was so sore and achy, and tired. We soon left to go back to the KOA campground we had been staying at, and to cool off, we decided to take a dip in the pool, then dinner and a campfire. That night we went to bed a little later maybe 11. Little did I know my entire life would change within 24 hours.

The morning of July 31st, I woke up sore, but when I made a trip to the rest room I noticed on single drop of blood in my panties. I had never had any bleeding, but I had heard that some women did, so I was kind of worried but not super stressed. I went and told my husband Jeff and he said to call my doctor just to be safe. (Our doctor is a family friend and I had her cell phone number) When I talked to her, she said she would like me to just go into the emergency room and have them check me out real quick. She reassured me that we had just had the 20 week ultrasound, everything looked picture perfect and she figured they would just watch me for a bit and send me on my way. I told Jeff what she said, and he completely agreed, although he was bummed that he would have to miss his uncle in the finals, but when I suggested that he stay back, and I go alone, he said no (thank God he did) So we loaded in the car with my mother in law in toe, to the little hospital in Billings.

When we arrived, the terror began. It was the strangest thing. We checked in and they made me sit in a wheel chair, when I objected they said it was policy and everyone has to so I sat down. Right then I started contracting. I didn't tell Jeff right away, but I had a very sick feeling in my stomach. As they wheeled me into the room, I continued having them. I got up on the bed and they put the contraction belt on me and hooked me up to the machines and then asked me a bunch of questions. Then they left me to be "watched". They monitored me for an hour or so, but said that they couldn't see any major contractions, and decided to call my doctor and tell her that everything seemed ok. When they talked to her, she asked that they do an ultrasound and vaginal exam to make sure, and also to reassure me. I was happy, because I loved seeing out little Noah on the screen and seeing his picture with him moving and his little heart beating would help put me at ease.

The ultrasound Tec came in and started getting to work. Everything seemed very normal, then all the sudden her face went kind white and she told me she was going to go get the doctor. Within about a minute our room was filled with people. I remember the doctor and a few nursed gathered around looking at the monitor, and I remember this as clear as day...one nurse asked "Is that his head" and the doctor saying in a really nervous voice "No that is". Then I started crying and freaking out and said what's wrong...what's wrong....talk to me! The doctor pointed to the screen and said that Noah's entire foot and leg was through the birth canal. I remember not really understanding what that even meant, or ok so let’s just push it back up...so I said what does that mean? The nurse who was giving me my IV said in a stupid happy voice "you are having a baby today!" (To this day I'm not sure if she even knew how far along I was or if she was just trying to make me feel not so scared) The room was buzzing...there were so many people and I felt numb, paralyzed, I knew this was not good, but no one had told me how bad it was yet.

When the doctor was cleaning me up from the vaginal exam, he told me that Noah foot was just barely inside me and the water sack was still intact. (Through this all my husband was so strong, I asked him later and he said he knew he had to hold it together for me, but he was scared out of his mind) The doctor told me that they weren't sure what they were going to do, so they would call my doctor. I remember the nurse telling me that she was going to give me a shot, and it would "burn like fire". Before this incident, I use to have my mom sit on me for shots and I would cry if I knew I had to get a shot, but I didn't even care now. I just wanted my mom there. I felt like if my mom was there, she could fix it.

The doc came in and told me that they were going to do another ultrasound and take some measurements of the baby. I didn't realize it then but there were looking to see if he was "viable" worth saving...it makes me discussed now. It was like I was in a dream. Like I was floating above my body, watching all this happen. The nurse and doctor started explaining to me that they didn't know if he would make it or not. He would likely be a little over a pound and he may turn out to be a vegetable. It was just a guessing game, they had no idea what would happen. They decided to send me over to the bigger hospital down the road so I rode in an ambulance for about 4 min until we got there. It was so annoying, having to get all new nurses and doctors and answering the same questions a hundred times. I just wanted it all to stop. The new doctor told me that they weren't equipped to handle a baby on a ventilator, so he would not survive there. I'm guessing that my doctor at home in Utah, was discussing with these doctors what to do...It seemed like I may stay there and deliver since I really couldn't go anywhere with a baby sticking half way out of my body, by this time I had also begun heavy bleeding and heavy contractions. I was so in shock I really didn't understand anything, but the next thing I remember them saying was "You going home." The plane will be here in 10 min, then there were people putting me on a different gurney, and some guys came in with different clothing on, they were the "flight nurses" I remember them asking my husband what he weighed, and Him saying 180...I asked the nurse (who was very nice to me, she is the only one whose face I actually remembered, she kind of reminded me of my momma) why they needed to know, she told me that we would be on a small Jet and it had a weight limit. I told her with tears in my eyes and panic in my voice that I would not go if my husband wasn't coming with me. I heard her tell someone he weighed 150 then look at me and say that she would make sure he got on that plane. That woman was my angel I am so thankful to her. All the while, Jeff's mom was calling my mom and had the entire church praying for us. She herself had just landed in Billings with my little sister. A few minutes later they said "Ok lets go" I felt my body start to roll down the hallway. I remember it being really hot and loud all of the sudden and then realizing that I was outside. I remember the inside of that white little plane, and panicking because I didn't know where Jeff was and wondering if they hadn't let him on. I started sobbing and yelling "where is my husband"...then them pointing across the plane and like a movie it went quiet and I could see him and things felt calm for a minute, he smiled and held up the I Love you sign...and I closed my eyes.

Taking off was hell, I literally felt like Noah was slipping out. I had painful contractions and all the medications they shot me up with were beginning to take effect and they made me feel like hell. I literally remember thinking at one point "this is the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life." The nurses kept pulling bright red blood soaked towels up from the gurney and replacing them with clean ones. That happened several times. While we were up in the air, my mom had landed, and found out that we had just taken off for salt lake city...there were no seats left on the plane back to salt lake...so some kind person gave my momma a seat and miraculously she arrived in SLC before I did due to the fact that the small plane I was on had to go around some big storms to keep me from having the baby in the plane and to keep me from hemorrhaging. I also remember going in for the landing and feeling HUGE relief because we were going down head first and I felt no pressure!

When we landed, I was rushed to an ambulance and then to the university of Utah. When we got in my room, I saw my momma!!! There were also 20 or so close friends and family gathered in a near by waiting room to support me. Then the whirlwind started again. Once again the ultrasound Tec did an ultrasound, only this time what they told me was much more gut wrenching. They told me there was less than a fifty fifty chance he would survive his first night. If he did make it, he would most certainly have major difficulties in life and he would also have a much worse outcome because he was a boy. I remember feeling like it was the end of the world…now I feel much differently.

Noah was born 20 min after I arrived...at 6:08 pm on July 31st 2005...weighing 1lb 13 oz and 13 inch long. The only thing I remember in the operating room was Jeff holding my hand and saying "crys, he's bigger than I thought he would be" Since no one was sure he would survive, as soon as he was stable enough in the NICU they let my pastor, family and friends go in and circle around him and pray for his little life. Noah's ears were not even fully formed yet, his eyes were still fused shut, and you could see his veins or organs through his thin skin, but he was perfect to us. I was so drugged up when they wheeled me into see him, I was hitting my face when they put our beds side by side trying to make my eyes open so I could see our little boy. I wanted to touch him because I was sure he was scared and I wanted him to know that I loved him and I was so sorry I couldn't keep him safe any longer. I never got to and I couldn't wake up enough to see him...but he was loved, he always had someone from my family by his side...for that I am so thankful.

I woke up later that night, with tons of people in my room...praying for me, two of my favorite girlfriends running my puke buckets too and from the sink (now that’s true friendship). I saw my Jeffy and that made me smile, I asked how Noah was and he smiled and asked me if I wanted to go see him. He wheeled me in and we put our gowns on, and scrubbed with a brush from hands to elbows...Jeff had already gotten to know or little guy...he had written a verse about how God knew Noah when he was knit in my womb, and hand taped it to his isolette. Noah was so beautiful, his little hands and fingers, and tiny feet...he could literally fit into the palm of your hand. He made it through the first night....and the next and the next...he survived a grade 4 bilateral brain bleed on his 5th day of life (which is the worst brain bleed you can have)...but fought right through it...several times he almost lost his life due to massive infections, and he were asked if we wanted to keep him on life support...we prayed about it and we did. We are realistic people and Jeff and I had talked and agreed about what would have to happen to have us take him off support, but that until those things happened, we were going to let our little boy decide for himself how bad he wanted to live...and he sure did. I know there were many nurses who asked themselves why this little boy just wouldn't die, me and my mom use to joke about it through our tears about how stubborn he was and how "he just wouldn’t die" and we were so thankful that he wouldn't!

In the end Noah was in the New Born ICU for 103 days...He had a brain bleed, hydrocephalus, was shunted, had 3 brain surgeries, a heart surgery, survived countless infections...but SURVIVED!! Today our little guy is about to celebrate his 5th birthday, and is walking with a walker, eating by himself, playing, laughing, and going to school! He is the happiest little boy you will ever meet, and he loves life.

water and more water...

2010-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

Boys....

2010-07-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

Jeff, his dad and nephews...visiting from VA

Art Festival...

2010-07-05T19:23:00.001-07:00

This is my favorite festival, I love the music, food and browsing the vendors...this year we stayed for some of the poetry reading, and it was a lot of fun...thanks to my sweet friend "lyssa" (as the kids call her) for the tickets!

4th of july parade...

2010-07-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

This was the first time I had ever taken the kids to a parade, Noah wasen't the least bit interested, he was fussy most of the time, (except when I let him play with the camera, you will see the picture he took of himself) but Ava loved it. She especially loved running after the candy, and the "princesses" on the floats!

Grandpa love...

2010-06-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

Mommy and sissy...

2010-06-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

Best Friends...

2010-06-23T12:58:00.000-07:00